Believer, Baltimore City special ed teacher, and 2:40 marathon runner. Diehard fan of “The Wire,” God’s gift to the Earth. E-mail: ryanfan17@gmail.com

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All miracles pale in comparison to the joy of ruining a writer’s life.

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From OpenClipart-Vectors on Pixabay

Walking on water. Turning water into wine. Sex. All these miracles pale in comparison to the joy of ruining a writer’s life with a single comment.

To be the most vicious and aggressive commenter of all time, follow my steps. There’s nothing better than putting arrogant “writers” in their place. One day, you might even take my title for “Writer’s Worst Nightmare.”

First, if the writer is talking about an extremely vulnerable experience in their lives, like losing a sibling, make them suffer for their vulnerability. …


A child pornography scandal gave him 15 and a half years in prison

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When I was a kid, I remember Jared from Subway, who, in commercials, claimed he lost over 200 pounds just by eating Subway sandwiches and constantly presented before and after photos of his progress. He even showed his jeans of when he weighed more than 400 pounds as a comparison to his then much slimmer weight.

While my brother and I knew that you do much more than eat Subway sandwiches to lose 200 pounds, the effects still stuck with us — Subway became our go-to “healthy” fast-food restaurant. …


SATIRE

Those eight cups of coffee throughout the day probably don’t help either

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From alanrither on Pixabay

Before bed, I liked to do all sorts of things on my iPhone. I called my mom, texted my girlfriend, and checked the news. And then I could barely sleep — I tossed and turned for about an hour, and then looked on my phone again. And then I couldn’t sleep again, in a vicious cycle where I couldn’t go to sleep again. Who could go to sleep after refreshing Twitter every two minutes?

This phone was ruining my life, and so I decided to break it with a sledgehammer.

Now, my insomnia is cured. Who knew the phone was the reason for every problem in my life? Now I can walk on water, be ultra productive, and conquer the world, all because my phone isn’t around anymore. All my temptation is now gone, and I have ascended my life to God mode. …

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