The Labor of Failing As A Christian

Photo by Zohre Nemati on Unsplash

I am a terrible Christian.

I sin on a daily basis in many more ways than I even realize, failing often. I don’t always give to the homeless when they ask and I have money. As a teacher in a poor inner-city environment, I’ll make dark jokes about the school system that I probably shouldn’t. I gossip about the latest person that offended me or pissed me off, or whose ideas I don’t deem “woke” enough, all the time.

I curse all the time without even thinking about it. I don’t listen enough. I care too much about money and reputation. I’ve been losing my shit more and more in my impatience with people who I think are wrong about Baltimore and wrong about my family. I don’t pray nearly as much as I should.

And I say I do all these things in acceptance that I am a terrible person, a Christian that is by no means holy, someone who constantly falls short of the standard of Jesus Christ. In so many things I do, I put success, money, approval, and accomplishments over God.

I labor every day failing as a Christian. And how my mind runs in circles thinking about the shame that comes with being a Christian and constantly failing God.

But that is the reality of every person who calls themselves a Christian. Like humans fail, we fail as Christians because we’re not God, only human. The truth is…