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Why I Sucked As a Runner — Until Now

It took 15 years of trial and error to maximize my potential as a runner

16 min readAug 4, 2025

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Photo by Jeremy Lapak on Unsplash

I have been a consistent underperformer as a runner throughout my 16 years as a competitive runner. I have run high school varsity cross country and track, and college varsity cross country in track in Division III. Since graduating college, I have moved up to become a marathon runner.

I was a choker in big moments when I should have run significantly better. I would run fast runs and destroy workouts as one of the best runners on my team in practice. But once the race came around, I would not run to the best of my ability, and run far below my potential.

As such, most of my time as a runner has been marred by underperformance. I still ran personal records in high school and college of 4:36 in the mile in high school, 9:53 in the 2 mile, 15:36 in the 5k, and 33:03 in the 10k. After college, I ran 54:58 in a 10 miler, 73:51 in the half marathon and last year, I ran 2:35:40 in the marathon.

Yes, for me, I think all those times, except the marathon, were too slow for my ability and the amount of work I was putting in. If it sounds like I’m being too negative, I probably am, but it comes with the inherent belief that I could do better, that I am better than how I have performed. I have…

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Ryan Fan
Ryan Fan

Written by Ryan Fan

Believer, attorney, former teacher, and 2:34 marathon runner. Diehard fan of “The Wire.”